The Paradox of Being Vulnerable and Untouchable, Light and Blade, Embrace and Viper
Author: D'Bara Arruda

Dearest me, it is a choice — “not to see”
(“Monologue of ‘mine’ not ‘myself’”)

If my words don’t wound the ego of iniquity,
I’d rather be born a eunuch
than populate the earth with cowards.

If my thoughts fail to echo with resonance
and lack the venomous power
to paralyse mouths grinning with slander,
I’d rather be beheaded
than chew the scraps stuck between their teeth.

Then let me sever my fingers
so I won’t be the one pointing at others’ flaws —
nor do I wish to wear a robe of perfection.
After all, I am this chaos
floating amidst the chaos of existence.

What do I wish to be?

To pulse like something free
To be conscious and alive
The best friend of my enemy.
I want to be the open book of those who plot
and the one who offers himself to the greedy
with no trace of reciprocity.
I don’t always want to be the delight of reason

— But I also want to be the end that houses the light in the tunnel,
or perhaps the entire tunnel itself,
with shards of glass instead of affectionate asphalt.

I no longer care what you think of me —
I don’t wish to be your mirror, Narcissus. “Enough!”

I am the potter of my own life.
And if I’m to be moulded by convenience,
then let me shatter before I reach
the shelf of your bloated ego’s judgment.

I don’t want to be the stone, nor the moss.
I am this:
crystalline and pure water.

But do not drink me with consumerist thirst,
because besides choking on my density,
you may taste something more bitter than absinthe
and thicker than raw tar.

Here I am!
And maybe this is all we have for today:
as comforting as a viper’s embrace.

Maybe timeless.
Maybe abstract.

"My analysis" is as perfect as a turtle’s steps —
too slow for you, right?
“Past of the purely unforgettable”
Precaution for me...

What does it mean to be whole in a fragmented world?
How much does it cost to remain whole?
"How to stay pure without being consumed?"
And who survives that?

Look at me without your hypocritical cataract
and don’t forgive me if you still haven’t understood:
They lied to you when they said
that simplicity lives in the smallest details.
For within the molecule, there is…

…life